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Who says men are not broadminded? They are damn well broad-minded!
How else could they co-exist with women if they weren’t broadminded?
No mind can handle a woman, unless it is broad, wide and empty!
Men are so broad-minded that they literally crave to live with Women – their worst enemy.
They know women are a constant threat to their Ego yet they loving fall for them.
They know women will erase their Individuality yet they unconditionally crave for them.
They know women will almost daily rape their Self-respect, yet they desperately slip for them.
That’s men! It takes courage to live a man’s life!
What else could be a better proof of our broad-mindedness!
We have willing handed over our control to the Women. Like a Bicentennial man, we stand beside them, waiting for their next order so we can execute it to their fullest satisfaction and then say – “One is glad to be of service!”
For ages, Women have ruled our personal life. And now they have gradually acquired the professional domain too. Although we would like to believe it is friendly acquisition, but it is NOT.
And Women can’t run business. Women can’t run anything properly.
They just know to run Men.
Like Sickos, they have been exploiting men in every walk of life - emotionally, mentally and what not!!!
And men have been taking this humiliation quietly since ages. If at all ever, rarely that is, a man gets frustrated of being treated like a doormat that is when he plans to get even.
He doesn’t resort to illegal display of his might powers. Rather he takes the route of non-violence.
He will calmly do his job till evening and leave for home when it is time. One the way he would take a bottle of wine which actually acts as a medicine in such cases. Then he will go to his room and gulp down the sorrows with the help of the wine.
And when he settles down a bit, he would look out of the window and gaze the stars.
And think of his tormentor – focusing on her cruelty so he could be suitably inspired.
Then he would take out the telescope and jump into the black hole of the fantasy world!
Johny in the wonderland.
This is where Men derive their divine strength. This place is their
Mecca. This is the only place where they rule.
And when their new released joy eases out their discomfort they return to live the women-governed life in a women-dominated world!
We have all heard women saying often – “It’s hard to be a Woman!”
And we guys have nodded in agreement, even though we couldn’t figure out the shit they were talking about! That’s us! We are such good listeners! But that’s beside the point!
What I really want to talk about is the fact – that it’s not easy being a Man either.
You know sometimes we should just do this to the Women.
Just when they say that it’s not easy being a woman.
We should snap right back at them – “Oh! Yeah!!! Try being a Man then, Just once?”
I mean it and I know, I am a Man myself! And a proud one at that.
To live through this life as a Man, is the biggest ordeal of all!
Imagine the stress we go through, through out our life! Can a woman take even half of it?
As Man, we are looked down as nut-headed all our life. And for what? Just because we watch television for over an hour, without switching it On! So what?!
We have lots of things fazing in and out of our mind each damn second. It’s just natural to loose track of few things.
It is possible, we may have hugged someone else’s wife, mistaking her has our own? That would happen to any Human. Ask any man? He would say Yes!.
Look on the brighter side, at least we don’t handover our wives to someone else by mistake.
We may be dumb, but not that dumb!
But these women would never loose an opportunity to strip us down of our humble little ego. They have to say it on our face – That we are stupid! And we have to live with this humiliation and embarrassment all our lives.
Our life is not bed of roses, like it is for Women.
A women can flash a simple smile and we would put ourselves at their feet. What Generosity!!!
As oppose to this, look what women do?
Forget about throwing themselves at our feet, they make us run like crazy, fight amongst ourselves like dogs. They turn us into their slaves and bring us to our knees just so that they can consider short-listing us as a worthy contender. And the battle goes, till one unfortunate soul make it till the end. Actually, the other men give up willingly. There’s this thing amongst men. They can figure out who amongst them is most desperate and let him have it. That’s called Male-bonding.
Women have ruled over men through out…since the day, Adam give in to Eve’s desire, and I am pretty much sure it is going to continue till eternity.
They have disillusioned Men to believe that the world is run by the Men. But that is not the Reality. We are very much like a powerless, handicap king who is just allowed to rest his ass on the throne. That’s it. There’s nothing more than that to our kingdom. That too it is the ass that gets the royal privilege. We ourselves are deprived of even that.
The women rule our kingdom from behind the throne. In reality the Women have used Men as slaves to run this world!
You take any Man in this world. And you will find at least one woman keeping an eye on him.
It is like living under constant surveillance. They just don’t trust us? That’s why they switch roles so they can constantly maintain their hold on us?
When the mom gets tired of steering us in her preferred direction, the Sis takes over and she pesters us till we tag along with her wherever she plans to lead. Then the Wife comes in and she disrupts everything that we had worked for. Just to make us uncomfortable… I repeat… Just to make us uncomfortable – they force us to take an absolute U-turn from where our mom’s and sis’s led us. It is like a game for them?
Like a sadistic pet-owner they would throw away the Frisbee and order us to fetch it, and when we bring the damn thing back, they throw it again? What f***ing pleasure would one derive in such a stupid game. But that’s Woman.
They derive great pleasure putting us in uncomfortable situation. You know they enormously enjoy this…
They know Men have been having problems with directions since the beginning. How else would we have ended up at women’s feet. We have problems. We know that? It is just that we can’t accept it in front of a woman.
Yet, you will find a woman, mercilessly, sarcastically asking men for directions? Just imagine the mind-game they play with us. As if they are saying inside – “What will you do now? Baby!!!”
They give us a problem that we can’t solve and then tempt us to solve it? absolutely unfair, I say!
And they won’t stop at that. They will make us give them all sorts of wrong directions and just when we are tired of bluffing, they would approach another man in front of us as if mocking us – “You are good for nothing? You stupid fellow!”
If they are so smart, why don’t they ask another woman! No! they will never do that. Because they like to see us suffer. They derive pleasure in your displeasure!
And still they would keep telling us – “It’s a man’s world!”
Like the grandmas lie to the kids – “there’s God up above the sky”?
There’s no God anywhere! There are just women all around!
If you tell me that parenting is the toughest job of all. I would agree with you!
I have been a single parent since birth! Raising 4 kids born at a time is not a joke!! It’s God’s sarcasm on you.
Don’t believe me? Try raising my kids!
I have this –
Mentally retarded guy called Mind and freak-out eve called Heart. Then there is this psychopath called EGO and a handicap elder to all of them is the Consciousness.
Imagine the havoc they make in the house…everyday!
The only fella who never does anything (and that is a big problem in his case) is the big Consciousness. He just sits there in the corner like a fear-stricken journalist who would record the whole incident from a distance but do nothing to help!
The Consciousness is not the problem-maker. The problem almost every time starts because of the disillusioned, fantasizing, girly Heart. I tell you! It always begins with ‘Her’! This ‘She’ is the root cause of all disaster.
She’s so frustratingly fickle-minded that she’s never able to decide what she wants, but almost always is successful in getting it. It’s True!!! She has this dim-witted Mind to support her every time. She just gets the Mind started on it and while the Mind takes it as life-crucial mission to execute the delegated job, she has already moved over heart-full of other desires…
Still I feel they are ok, at times. They are not too much of a trouble. It is the last one, the EGO that gets to my nerve unfailingly every time. It is impossible to satisfy this jerk. He sucks every drop of sanity out of me!
I pray you never have to raise my kids… but I won’t mind if you can baby-sit them every once in a while.
Perhaps a partner would be a lot of help? But I don’t want to marry someone who has her own kids. I want someone who can take care of mine.
Everything your Mind ever conceived is merely a Concept!
Why do people give gifts?
So they can express our love without having to trouble our brains to come out with a so-called cute heart-warming, soul-touching and mind boggling poetry that would make their beloved float in air…for a while!
Or may be just to make their beloved feel good and bring them out of their miseries, which is self-inflicted 99.9 % of the time. The remaining 0.1% could be a statistical error. After all we are humans and are licensed to ERR!
Or may be they wish to offer a bribe so they can avoid the melo-drama that their dear beloveds have planned to infuse into their daily life and making it a living hell for them.
Whatever may be the reason, one need to gift something to someone time and again?
And there’s a big difference in the way Men have mastered the art of gifting and the way Women have perfected it.
Statistics (St. Goofy Research & Survey Institute, AndaMan) have revealed that the ratio between Men’s gifting and Women’s gifting is 100:1. Which means for a Woman to give her Man a gift, the Man might have given her 100 gifts already. A Man would gift to make his Woman happy, while a Woman would gift her Man because she is happy with his effort to make her happy.
Men’s approach towards anything has been simple, for Men would die for KISS. I mean to Keep It Simple, Stupid. What were you thinking?
When a Man plans to get a gift for his Woman (or any other Woman, for that matter), he most often wants it to be a surprise. Till the last moMent, He would pretend (and I repeat PRETEND) as if he has no idea what to buy. He would again PRETEND as if he doesn’t know what her likings are. He does this because he likes to do things in a particular style. The appear-dumb-but-act-smart is Man’s most preferred style.
Men don’t waste much time because they have the wisdom to realize that it is routine process and bound to happen million times in their life time. They know it’s not the gift that matters (as long as they are not the Receiver), but the gesture of Gifting that is important.
A Man, would usually just randomly pick a shop, walk in and wander for a while and equally randomly pick a gift and walk out!
When in front of his Woman, he would list the necessary disclaimers so as to make the Woman fully comfortable to reject the gift, which unfortunately happens most of the times
He would state, in a very understanding tone –
“I wanted to get something of my choice for you” – that eliminates the need to know the Woman’s choice.
“You can always return it and get some thing of your choice” – which Men are absolutely sure of that the Woman would do.
And then they would simply hand over the gift – hoping the ordeal doesn’t extend further.
The next moment they are ready with a new topic to divert subject. They don’t even wait for a Thank You; if at all a Woman is generous enough to say that.
Women on the other hand are fetish about Perfection. And somehow their Perfection comprises of adding new things to their life and taking lot many things from their Men’s life.
So when a Woman plans to gift, she make it obvious to her Man that in the coming few months he can expect a gift (that is if he continues to treat her nice till then).
She would politely interrogate (under the mask of usual conversation) about his choices and preferences. And just in case the Man happens to mention his desire for a Rolex wrist gear, she would stare at him as if he is the most insensitive Man on the earth. He possibly shouldn’t have nursed such high expectations. She gives him a look that tells the Man that he probably doesn’t deserve such an expensive gift.
The Man understandably, lowers his expectation to Ray Ban sunglasses, at which she gets suspicious if he is trying to impress some woman. Now this is an absolutely crazy idea that Women have about Men. They believe that Men wear sun glasses to impress Women. They are absolutely wrong about this one. Men just don’t prefer anyone knowing where they are looking, at any point of time.
Finally, the Woman realizes that she needs to guide the Man towards where she wants him to go, which by the way is a talent Women are born with. She tenderly probes him in the direction of stating his preference in attires. She would ask whether he likes blue or white, whether he prefers M, XL or XXL and weather it should be half-sleeve or full-sleeve.
By this time, the Man has discovered that the proposed surprise is a TEE. Now for the rest of the duration, the Man has to pretend that he still hasn’t figured out the surprise. And worst, he has to give an oscar-wining performance of being PLEASANTLY surprised when he actually receives the gift. If he doesn’t do all this, then the very person who is gifting him would get hurt and then the Man will have to buy her 100 gifts to bring her to a normal state. That’s how the cycle continues…
Finally, when it’s time to give the gift, Women will not give any disclaimers; rather they have a story to tell.
She would start with why she felt a need to buy a gift – which, unfailingly 100% of the time, is because the Man has treated her nicely.
Then she would start with the moment when she stepped out of the house to buy the gift and continue with every seconds detail till she reached the gift shop, which happens to be the 20th gift shop she visited that day. She just wasn’t satisfied with the gift, which the Man was supposed to be wearing.
She would then go on with the details of her crucial and stringent reviewing process. After going through is-the-quality-affordable check, is-the-price-feasible check, and most importantly I-hope-he-doesn’t-look-too-smart-in-this check, she finally makes her choice. And then begins the even more detailed description of the price negotiation.
If in between, the Man manages to steal a quick-nap, without getting caught he is looked upon by other fellow Men as a Genius. If however, he is caught red-handed, then he could forget about getting a Gift for one whole year at the least.
Mostly, Men don’t take this risk. They live through the ordeal. But the ordeal is not over for them yet. For now begins the final and the most unbearable part of the entire process.
She would begin explaining how happy she is after buying that Gift and narrate all the imaginations she had with her Man wearing the TEE. The Man would be brain-washed to believe that what he is about to receive is extra-ordinary, out of the universe gift.
It is almost certain to the Man, that he shouldn’t even consider changing the gift, leave aside returning it. That is a big blow to a Woman’s ego – to realize that she doesn’t know her Man well. And if the Man is frank enough, or rather fool enough to give that impression to her then he should be ready to buy a series of 100 gifts soon.
You might have heard this quite often that humanity is degrading day-by-day. It is often said people who are highly respected personalities. We hear their words with great devotion even though we never follow them. So if these people are saying such things, then there ought to be a point in it.
But I say there’s absolutely no point. In fact there is a big black hole in their theory. These people are just being harsh on the whole of humanity. How inhuman of them? What on earth have they experience that has given them such a horribly incongruable idea?
As far as I know – there’s Humanity all around us. In fact it’s Humanity that has made Earth, the beautiful place it is? Such a beautiful place it is, that people don’t want die and leave it even when the Gods are offering them Heaven as bribe to leave this Earth?
And how has Earth become so desirably beautiful? Simply because of our Humanity! We have kept the torch of Humanity ablaze!
Take for instance, your own case!
Remember, when you really wanted to laugh at a loser friend of yours. It could be a prank you played or the friend goofed up by himself. Haven’t you tried hard to control your laughter? Now, isn’t that humanity? Who would do that in today’s world? You do it day-in, day-out.
You are just like all the rest of us, Human!
No matter how intensely we are struggling inside to resist the temptation; we hold the fort of patience just so that a fellow being doesn’t get hurt. And even if we fail at times, we are so very quick to say that we are sorry!
So what if we indulge in friendly banters at time or all the time. So what if the sorry loser friends become a spoils-sport by pretending to be hurt. Don’t we unwillingly apologize to make them feel good?
The Gods and Nature have not provided us with sufficient resources. So we have to struggle amongst ourselves to survive. What we do is what we are forced to do.
We may bribe the Gods to deprive fellow competitors of their luck and share it with us. We may plot to take out a possible threat to our existence. We may even cheat once in a while. But have we ever, openly expressed our hatred to our colleagues. It’s not because we can’t, but because we don’t want to. It’s a matter of principle, after all.
We don’t like coming out with our deepest, darkest, truest feelings and hurt our fellow beings! We may hate a person, but we gulp the guilt of lying and express our love to our opponent. In spite of our insecurities-turned-hatred, even with our gritting teeth, we flash a smile so that the other sorry soul can feel happy. We even go to the extent of hugging, when what we really would like to do is strangle the person to death.
Now, how good can a human be? Better than this we would be God ourselves!!
You know! People-watching can be quite entertaining. You can have all the fun at other’s expense! Everything happens to the other person. You just sit and watch!
I notice lot of things that’s common amongst people. Take for instance the tendency to experiment with a new found Concept. You come across a new idea and you feel like you were born for it. It becomes the purpose of your life to try it out!
My friend came across this concept – ‘Reverse Psychology’ and it came to him at a very wrong time! He was ill and was taking medication for cold and fever! He had been to the doctor once and was suppose to visit again. That’s when he came to know about ‘Reverse Psychology’
And this is what he said about it –
Me: “Hi! How are you feeling now?”
My Sick Friend: “Oh! I am doing great!!”
Me: “So the fever’s gone?”
MSF: “Gone! I took it out!!”
Me: “You What???”
MSF: “I used Reverse Psychology!” He said this with a sense of great achievement!
Me: “How?”
MSF: “You know I thought – that’s what the germs expect from me – I would go to the doctor and treat them with antibiotics! And I am sure they were prepared for it, may be even vaccinated! So I decided to use Reverse Psychology on them. I just didn’t go to the doctor this time.
In stead I gulped in too many ice creams and flooded them with lot of chilled colas. I could tell they were shocked out of their wits. It took them four hours to recover from the shock! Till then fever had subsided. Then they came back again, more determined than before!
But even I was not ready to give in. So I continued to shower them with extra chilled colas and even attacked them with some heavy cubes of ice.
They have taken a break now! The battle is still On. But I am enjoying this!”
Me: “Well! I don’t know what to say! Just let me know if you need any help? I will cover you if you plan to go on an open attack!”
MSF: “Hmm! You know I could consider that! Thanks! “
Me: Good Luck!!!
It’s not just the case with my friend! I see it everywhere!
You see people who are afraid of dogs! And to their misfortune the dogs always get attracted to them. You see dogs have this wisdom to figure out if a person can be taken down. They don’t mess with everyone. But if they see a person, who gives them the confidence that they can beat the hell out of their victim, then they simply go for it!
First they offer you a starter – a mild but wild GRRRRRRR!
At this time, if you have already started thinking of your mom and dad, they come to know – its gonna be fun!
Then they advance slowly as if they had all the time in the world to hunt you down!
And you know the only best option is to Run! But No! Some people will use ‘Reverse Psychology’!
They’ll stand there as if they are not afraid. On the contrary, they try to be friendly with their Attacker!
They will flash a vague smile at the dog! But the dog is unmoved. He has a different plan in mind. He doesn’t want to see a smile. He wants to see the person run!
So he is getting even more irritated when he sees his victim trying to seduce him. And they do that. Some people go to that extent too!
First, they will check their pockets and bags to see if they have anything to bribe their way out of the situation! That by the way, is the default solution known to Indians. If they are stuck in any situation, they don’t join their hands in prayer. They simply put their hands in their pocket and fish out a 100 Rs Bill.
So the victim would try to find a biscuit for the dog. If unfortunately, he hasn’t got any then he will get to seducing, which is the second default solution known to Indians!
He will get down on the knees and talk sweet to the dog inviting him closer.
At this point the dog is wondering. “Oh! You shouldn’t have done that! Now, if I pounce, you will be floored. You can’t even run!”
But the victim is confident his trick would work – as it works in 90% of the cases in
India.
I wonder at times, to what extent people will go to get acquainted with a new concept!
It’s good we are not fighting a battle with HIV! Guess, what kind of Reverse Psychology they would use on those viruses!
For those who know, St. Goofy is an epitome of wisdom. His profound teachings have changed the course of many lives. He is beyond knowledge, beyond concepts, beyond understanding! St. Goofy is a miracle in himself!
It is even believed that he was a miracle child since birth. His arrival into this world was doomed. St. Goofy is known to be the first person who won over death on the very day of his birth.
The story goes somewhat like this…
Even at the moment of his arrival, the Gods of the world were still not sure whether the world was ready for him. While they were in doubt Devil grabbed the chance and hired his fellow hitman known as ‘The Angel Of Death’, to get St. Goofy.
Meanwhile even Gods had sent the Angel of Life to protect the divine soul. The two Angels fought over St. Goofy as to who deserve to have him. Unable to bear the wait, the Angels decided to catch him before his worldly Beginning.
To resolve their fight, the angels decided that each would ask a question to St. Goofy and whose question is answered correctly gets to have St. Goofy. Just when St. Goofy was about to enter the World of Lights, he met the two angels in the dark tunnel called the ‘Bridge to Life’.
St. Goofy was not in a very comfortable position. The woman who was destined to be ‘The Deliverer’ was a chain-smoker. St. Goofy had to literally live in a furnace for 10 long months. 10 because, Destiny tried its best to delay the inevitable.
So St. Goofy was pissed off as it is and he had just seen a thin light of hope and was about to reach over to the other side. But just then he comes face to face with two so called angels who were trying to make themselves comfortable in an already over-stuffed place. To make matters worse the environment was getting even more suffocating. The woman convinced the doctor to allow her to smoke as her dying wish. The Doctor was in a state of shock. He had never witnessed the sudden and scientifically unexplainable bulging out of a woman’s tummy that was suppose to hold a 15-20” baby but now seemed like the baby has multiplied inside even before coming out. The Aliens series that he watched previous night became the prominent thought in his mind. It was the first case of his life and he was convinced may be the last too. In his freaked out state, he gave a nod to the woman who was dying to smoke or rather smoking to die.
As she puffed in fag after fag, the situation inside was getting worse than imaginable. St. Goofy was in a very critical position. Since he was on his way out, his ass was exposed to the direct influx of lava-hot smokes.
It was not a very comfortable position. And in such a situation he was confronted by two so-called Angels who wanted to play the game of General Knowledge with him. Understandably, St. Goofy was not in mood for it.
First to go was the Angel of Life -
“Dear Goofy, if you were to ask one wish from Me at this moment, what would that be?”
Saint Goofy, replied with great humbleness –
“Kiss my Ass – I badly need it”
This enraged the Angel of Life, as for the Angel of Death – he was on the floor roaring in laughter.
The Angel of Life was so enraged that he disowned St. Goofy instantly. It was decided that the Angel of Death will have it.
But Angel of Death was not satisfied with this. He wanted to hurt the Angel of Life even more.
So he said – “I still have my turn left. I would like to ask my question.”
Then he turned to St. Goof and in an animated tone said –
“You know that the Devils love you better than the Gods. We don’t punish our beloveds like the Gods. We pamper them. Our love is a soothing, comforting and pacifying feeling. Where in your heart would you like to store our love?”
St. Goofy thought over it for a while and then with equally great frankness (as great as his humbleness) he said –
“Right now, I would prefer to keep it below my Ass!”
Now the Angel of Life was on the floor, of course roaring in laughter.
Then came the time when the two had to decide – who will take him and slowly they retraced their feet. St. Goofy took this as an opportunity and jumped out of the mess he was in.
The World had almost lost its Savior! But miraculously St. Goofy juggled between Life & Death and the World Witnessed the homecoming of its Savior!
The first thing that St. Goofy uttered as soon as he came out became the crux his teaching that followed later.
Those pearls of wisdom were -
“To hell with Life, just go on living!”
As his first discourse, St. Goofy has chosen the most complex of all topics – Women.
Visit this place again to gather your share of Wisdom!
