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Irony of life is that people are literally dying to stay alive!
Life after marriage must be regarded as “after life” experience!
If not for my fear of getting caught, I’d have been the most notorious criminal this world has ever seen.
I am That! But I no longer know what “That” is!
A wise man once said…
“That man is truly great who can show sympathy even to an enemy.”
That’s why I believe in Mercy Killing!
I see a lot of Microsoft bashing going on all over the internet. It seems like people just love to criticize Microsoft! And if you are amongst those atheists, I urge you to read this article!
- START.
When the student is ready, the master appears.
~ Buddhist Proverb
It may come as a shock to you, but it is a fact! There has not been a greater Spiritual Teacher than Bill Gates. The Man is a Messiah, or rather an upgraded version of Buddha (with an X-factor of course!). Name one messiah who was a poster-boy! Not one! Then came Bill Gates…
When Bill Gates came to Earth, the Angels in the Heaven sang –
Here comes your Saviour!
Dear fellow men rejoice!!
Whether you like him or not
You simply have no choice!!!
When Bill roamed around the Earth in the 20th century A.D., he realized the World is moving in the wrong direction than what Bill’s father Mr. God had expected. Worst, the world was moving towards Hell at the “Speed of Thought”! It was then when Bill told himself –
“This World needs a new Teacher!”
But it was not that easy. Bill knew there were already surplus production of scriptures – people were bored of them. They would not opt for another one even if he himself decides to write it for them. So Bill decided, why not give the people of earth a practical lesson that none will be able to obviate. And thus on the seventh day of his journey, Bill went to the highest peak of Himalayas and said –
“Let there be a Teacher” … and there was Microsoft™
Microsoft was carefully, elegantly, meticulously, artfully and deliberately designed to be what it is today! Microsoft possesses all the important traits of an ideal Teacher. Like an ideal Teacher Microsoft is a true skeptic. He does not accept anything that is not logical! At the same time not everything He does can be understood from a social psycho-logical approach. Some of his most divine teachings are simply beyond logic!
Like the Tao says –
“A true Teacher will always Self-contradict!”
Microsoft’s contribution to this world is absolutely unsurpassable! For the good of his people Microsoft shared his wisdom with the world, for a very reasonably tangible fee. That too only if you want a licensed version!
Microsoft Teachings is called as the Four Noble Truth (patent applied for…)
- Life means suffering. – Any approach (Operating System) you take towards Life, Suffering is inevitable.
- The origin of suffering is attachment. – Attachment is the outcome of Expectation. Do not expect anything from Life (Operating System). Be detached! Accept what is happening to you without cribbing!
- The cessation of suffering is attainable. - When you whole-heartedly accept what is happening to you and no longer complain. Then by applying the inverse theory, there is no Suffering (theoretically of course!)
- The path to the cessation of suffering. – Self-Improvement (upgradation) is the path to end the Suffering! At least you won’t have to go through the same trauma. There will be a new one with each new version. Remember! Suffering is inevitable!
Microsoft is such a kind-hearted teacher, that looking at the low global ignorance level it resorted to spoon-feeding!
To help the intellectually-challenged generation of ours, Microsoft gave us the Noble Eightfold Path, a blue-print to guide us on how to live Life!
There are eight elements in the Noble Eightfold Path (patent applied for…)
- Wisdom (Sanskrit: prajñā, Pāli: paññā)
- Right Vision - Preferably go for 21” LCD TFT Monitor from Microsoft certified partners only.
- Right Approach - Always keep the customer support’s contact details in your pocket!
- Right Prayers - Be very clear in what you want the Microsoft to do. He won’t entertain illogical requests that put unwanted loads the Operating System.
- Right Task - Don’t use MS Word™ when you can do with a Notepad! Keep your tasks simple!
- Right Maintenance – Follow a discipline of updating your system on yearly basis!
- Right Attitude – Be ready for anything – even if you are forced to do things manually, don’t complain!
- Right Knowledge – When in doubt, press F1
- Right Memory – Forget the past as soon as possible. It may spoil your mood forever!
Ethical conduct (Sanskrit: śīla, Pāli: sīla)
Mental discipline (Sanskrit and Pāli: samādhi)
Microsoft has not just given the world, these pearls of wisdom but also blessed us with the power to overcome all sufferings! Being a kind-hearted teacher, Microsoft knew not all students will be able to handle the torture, and therefore he has given each one of us the power to end the suffering and begin with the lessons again whenever we are ready!
All we need to do is – Restart!
- END.
-| Goofy Saint (official spokesperson for Microsoft’s Windows!)
Note: Please ignore the speling and gramaar eror as the ‘SpellCheck’ was not working at the time of writing!
I solemnly declare that this article has not been written under any pressure and that my girl friend is a very loving person and she has not forced or black-mailed me in any way to do this. I am writing this out of my own conscious decision (Whadda f**k!!!).
Read On!
Eve-teasing! Why do men indulge in it?
As girls you have come across this situation no matter how beautiful 
you are. At some point of time, you have all faced the over-generous-attention from the men’s race. I know the incident is very disturbing to you. And I do realize as men, we are not supposed to hurt you? There is nothing wrong on your part in expecting us to behave in a civilized way. But that is exactly where you miss the point. It’s practically impossible for us to behave in a civilized way.
It’s not our fault actually.
You know it happened because the Gods failed to do their job well. They were executing the evolutionary process for both men and women. For some weird reason, they chose to start with Women first. With Women, the process went well – i.e. they were successfully transmogrified from she-chimps to females. However, when it was men’s turn the gods, dozed off and the machine malfunctioned due the lack of their attention. As a result, the evolutionary process of poor male species was interrupted mid-way. Sadly, they couldn’t cross the bridge of transformation and that is the reason they still act like monkeys at time. You see, till date men are half-civilized chimps and half-uncivilized males. So their tendencies are understandably dumb-witted like chimps.
When they spot a nice chick, there is a tremendous amount of hyper-activity going on in their mind’s system, which is already cluttered with a galaxy full of gibberish thoughts. A sudden surge in the thought flow creates an gawky pressure on the men’s system. It is like running Maya software on Intel Pentium 1. The System is bound to go into hibernation. At this point, the chimp version of the male operating system takes charge and tries to handle the situation in the best possible ways known to chimps.
As chimps all they crave for is attention from the female species. However, incivility comes in the way of their communication and they end up left ridiculed, scorned and ignored. Frustrated by their desperation, they go to the extreme borders of their civic nature and more often than mentionable they tip over to the other side.
The groping, the rubbing, the legging are all ways, in which, the chimps convey their need for attention from their civilized counterparts. Occasionally, they even carry out certain stunts on two-wheelers and four-wheelers, but that happens in case of harebrained chimps only. In an ordinary chimp’s case, the act is restricted to doing some less risky, and supposed-to-be-stylish stunts within the area of your vision. Most chimps are content with this. And, If they are able to get a smile from you, their life’s purpose is served. Some weirdo’s however try to get closer and physical. Yet, these chimps are still not dangerous. They are just as scarred of you as you are of them. The moment you act strict, they tuck in their non-existing tail under their ass and run away.
And if you yell for help, in most cases, some older chimps whose system has not yet conked off after seeing you will definitely try to help you out of the situation. So you see these chimps are nasty but they are not hazardous, if you know how to handle them! And moreover, they don’t deserve your kicks and abuses. They deserve your sympathy!By showing your pity towards such ill-fated uncivilized males, you would be doing good to the whole Animality …I mean Humanity!
After all, animals don’t deserve hatred. If tamed they can serve as a good pet to you!
Strictly to be read by folks of my race:
Sorry guys!! Didn’t want to demean our race. But my girlfriend threatened to start on a non-cooperation movement. (You know what I mean?!)
Who says men are not broadminded? They are damn well broad-minded!
How else could they co-exist with women if they weren’t broadminded?
No mind can handle a woman, unless it is broad, wide and empty!
Men are so broad-minded that they literally crave to live with Women – their worst enemy.
They know women are a constant threat to their Ego yet they loving fall for them.
They know women will erase their Individuality yet they unconditionally crave for them.
They know women will almost daily rape their Self-respect, yet they desperately slip for them.
That’s men! It takes courage to live a man’s life!
What else could be a better proof of our broad-mindedness!
We have willing handed over our control to the Women. Like a Bicentennial man, we stand beside them, waiting for their next order so we can execute it to their fullest satisfaction and then say – “One is glad to be of service!”
For ages, Women have ruled our personal life. And now they have gradually acquired the professional domain too. Although we would like to believe it is friendly acquisition, but it is NOT.
And Women can’t run business. Women can’t run anything properly.
They just know to run Men.
Like Sickos, they have been exploiting men in every walk of life - emotionally, mentally and what not!!!
And men have been taking this humiliation quietly since ages. If at all ever, rarely that is, a man gets frustrated of being treated like a doormat that is when he plans to get even.
He doesn’t resort to illegal display of his might powers. Rather he takes the route of non-violence.
He will calmly do his job till evening and leave for home when it is time. One the way he would take a bottle of wine which actually acts as a medicine in such cases. Then he will go to his room and gulp down the sorrows with the help of the wine.
And when he settles down a bit, he would look out of the window and gaze the stars.
And think of his tormentor – focusing on her cruelty so he could be suitably inspired.
Then he would take out the telescope and jump into the black hole of the fantasy world!
Johny in the wonderland.
This is where Men derive their divine strength. This place is their
Mecca. This is the only place where they rule.
And when their new released joy eases out their discomfort they return to live the women-governed life in a women-dominated world!
We have all heard women saying often – “It’s hard to be a Woman!”
And we guys have nodded in agreement, even though we couldn’t figure out the shit they were talking about! That’s us! We are such good listeners! But that’s beside the point!
What I really want to talk about is the fact – that it’s not easy being a Man either.
You know sometimes we should just do this to the Women.
Just when they say that it’s not easy being a woman.
We should snap right back at them – “Oh! Yeah!!! Try being a Man then, Just once?”
I mean it and I know, I am a Man myself! And a proud one at that.
To live through this life as a Man, is the biggest ordeal of all!
Imagine the stress we go through, through out our life! Can a woman take even half of it?
As Man, we are looked down as nut-headed all our life. And for what? Just because we watch television for over an hour, without switching it On! So what?!
We have lots of things fazing in and out of our mind each damn second. It’s just natural to loose track of few things.
It is possible, we may have hugged someone else’s wife, mistaking her has our own? That would happen to any Human. Ask any man? He would say Yes!.
Look on the brighter side, at least we don’t handover our wives to someone else by mistake.
We may be dumb, but not that dumb!
But these women would never loose an opportunity to strip us down of our humble little ego. They have to say it on our face – That we are stupid! And we have to live with this humiliation and embarrassment all our lives.
Our life is not bed of roses, like it is for Women.
A women can flash a simple smile and we would put ourselves at their feet. What Generosity!!!
As oppose to this, look what women do?
Forget about throwing themselves at our feet, they make us run like crazy, fight amongst ourselves like dogs. They turn us into their slaves and bring us to our knees just so that they can consider short-listing us as a worthy contender. And the battle goes, till one unfortunate soul make it till the end. Actually, the other men give up willingly. There’s this thing amongst men. They can figure out who amongst them is most desperate and let him have it. That’s called Male-bonding.
Women have ruled over men through out…since the day, Adam give in to Eve’s desire, and I am pretty much sure it is going to continue till eternity.
They have disillusioned Men to believe that the world is run by the Men. But that is not the Reality. We are very much like a powerless, handicap king who is just allowed to rest his ass on the throne. That’s it. There’s nothing more than that to our kingdom. That too it is the ass that gets the royal privilege. We ourselves are deprived of even that.
The women rule our kingdom from behind the throne. In reality the Women have used Men as slaves to run this world!
You take any Man in this world. And you will find at least one woman keeping an eye on him.
It is like living under constant surveillance. They just don’t trust us? That’s why they switch roles so they can constantly maintain their hold on us?
When the mom gets tired of steering us in her preferred direction, the Sis takes over and she pesters us till we tag along with her wherever she plans to lead. Then the Wife comes in and she disrupts everything that we had worked for. Just to make us uncomfortable… I repeat… Just to make us uncomfortable – they force us to take an absolute U-turn from where our mom’s and sis’s led us. It is like a game for them?
Like a sadistic pet-owner they would throw away the Frisbee and order us to fetch it, and when we bring the damn thing back, they throw it again? What f***ing pleasure would one derive in such a stupid game. But that’s Woman.
They derive great pleasure putting us in uncomfortable situation. You know they enormously enjoy this…
They know Men have been having problems with directions since the beginning. How else would we have ended up at women’s feet. We have problems. We know that? It is just that we can’t accept it in front of a woman.
Yet, you will find a woman, mercilessly, sarcastically asking men for directions? Just imagine the mind-game they play with us. As if they are saying inside – “What will you do now? Baby!!!”
They give us a problem that we can’t solve and then tempt us to solve it? absolutely unfair, I say!
And they won’t stop at that. They will make us give them all sorts of wrong directions and just when we are tired of bluffing, they would approach another man in front of us as if mocking us – “You are good for nothing? You stupid fellow!”
If they are so smart, why don’t they ask another woman! No! they will never do that. Because they like to see us suffer. They derive pleasure in your displeasure!
And still they would keep telling us – “It’s a man’s world!”
Like the grandmas lie to the kids – “there’s God up above the sky”?
There’s no God anywhere! There are just women all around!
Why do people give gifts?
So they can express our love without having to trouble our brains to come out with a so-called cute heart-warming, soul-touching and mind boggling poetry that would make their beloved float in air…for a while!
Or may be just to make their beloved feel good and bring them out of their miseries, which is self-inflicted 99.9 % of the time. The remaining 0.1% could be a statistical error. After all we are humans and are licensed to ERR!
Or may be they wish to offer a bribe so they can avoid the melo-drama that their dear beloveds have planned to infuse into their daily life and making it a living hell for them.
Whatever may be the reason, one need to gift something to someone time and again?
And there’s a big difference in the way Men have mastered the art of gifting and the way Women have perfected it.
Statistics (St. Goofy Research & Survey Institute, AndaMan) have revealed that the ratio between Men’s gifting and Women’s gifting is 100:1. Which means for a Woman to give her Man a gift, the Man might have given her 100 gifts already. A Man would gift to make his Woman happy, while a Woman would gift her Man because she is happy with his effort to make her happy.
Men’s approach towards anything has been simple, for Men would die for KISS. I mean to Keep It Simple, Stupid. What were you thinking?
When a Man plans to get a gift for his Woman (or any other Woman, for that matter), he most often wants it to be a surprise. Till the last moMent, He would pretend (and I repeat PRETEND) as if he has no idea what to buy. He would again PRETEND as if he doesn’t know what her likings are. He does this because he likes to do things in a particular style. The appear-dumb-but-act-smart is Man’s most preferred style.
Men don’t waste much time because they have the wisdom to realize that it is routine process and bound to happen million times in their life time. They know it’s not the gift that matters (as long as they are not the Receiver), but the gesture of Gifting that is important.
A Man, would usually just randomly pick a shop, walk in and wander for a while and equally randomly pick a gift and walk out!
When in front of his Woman, he would list the necessary disclaimers so as to make the Woman fully comfortable to reject the gift, which unfortunately happens most of the times
He would state, in a very understanding tone –
“I wanted to get something of my choice for you” – that eliminates the need to know the Woman’s choice.
“You can always return it and get some thing of your choice” – which Men are absolutely sure of that the Woman would do.
And then they would simply hand over the gift – hoping the ordeal doesn’t extend further.
The next moment they are ready with a new topic to divert subject. They don’t even wait for a Thank You; if at all a Woman is generous enough to say that.
Women on the other hand are fetish about Perfection. And somehow their Perfection comprises of adding new things to their life and taking lot many things from their Men’s life.
So when a Woman plans to gift, she make it obvious to her Man that in the coming few months he can expect a gift (that is if he continues to treat her nice till then).
She would politely interrogate (under the mask of usual conversation) about his choices and preferences. And just in case the Man happens to mention his desire for a Rolex wrist gear, she would stare at him as if he is the most insensitive Man on the earth. He possibly shouldn’t have nursed such high expectations. She gives him a look that tells the Man that he probably doesn’t deserve such an expensive gift.
The Man understandably, lowers his expectation to Ray Ban sunglasses, at which she gets suspicious if he is trying to impress some woman. Now this is an absolutely crazy idea that Women have about Men. They believe that Men wear sun glasses to impress Women. They are absolutely wrong about this one. Men just don’t prefer anyone knowing where they are looking, at any point of time.
Finally, the Woman realizes that she needs to guide the Man towards where she wants him to go, which by the way is a talent Women are born with. She tenderly probes him in the direction of stating his preference in attires. She would ask whether he likes blue or white, whether he prefers M, XL or XXL and weather it should be half-sleeve or full-sleeve.
By this time, the Man has discovered that the proposed surprise is a TEE. Now for the rest of the duration, the Man has to pretend that he still hasn’t figured out the surprise. And worst, he has to give an oscar-wining performance of being PLEASANTLY surprised when he actually receives the gift. If he doesn’t do all this, then the very person who is gifting him would get hurt and then the Man will have to buy her 100 gifts to bring her to a normal state. That’s how the cycle continues…
Finally, when it’s time to give the gift, Women will not give any disclaimers; rather they have a story to tell.
She would start with why she felt a need to buy a gift – which, unfailingly 100% of the time, is because the Man has treated her nicely.
Then she would start with the moment when she stepped out of the house to buy the gift and continue with every seconds detail till she reached the gift shop, which happens to be the 20th gift shop she visited that day. She just wasn’t satisfied with the gift, which the Man was supposed to be wearing.
She would then go on with the details of her crucial and stringent reviewing process. After going through is-the-quality-affordable check, is-the-price-feasible check, and most importantly I-hope-he-doesn’t-look-too-smart-in-this check, she finally makes her choice. And then begins the even more detailed description of the price negotiation.
If in between, the Man manages to steal a quick-nap, without getting caught he is looked upon by other fellow Men as a Genius. If however, he is caught red-handed, then he could forget about getting a Gift for one whole year at the least.
Mostly, Men don’t take this risk. They live through the ordeal. But the ordeal is not over for them yet. For now begins the final and the most unbearable part of the entire process.
She would begin explaining how happy she is after buying that Gift and narrate all the imaginations she had with her Man wearing the TEE. The Man would be brain-washed to believe that what he is about to receive is extra-ordinary, out of the universe gift.
It is almost certain to the Man, that he shouldn’t even consider changing the gift, leave aside returning it. That is a big blow to a Woman’s ego – to realize that she doesn’t know her Man well. And if the Man is frank enough, or rather fool enough to give that impression to her then he should be ready to buy a series of 100 gifts soon.
